Hate is not a Family Value

But it sure is fun.

• Jessica Weiner: I don't know where to start. She Rodney's "ex-psycho" that I've mentioned before. She fucked him over so many times, and finally he had enough and broke up with her. She's fucking crazy. Plus, she's a hippy - which will be discussed later. The mere thought of her turns my stomache. For a while we were all saved - she moved away to Baltimore to go to school. But she didn't go back for another semester. All I can say is, from the time she fucked around with Avery, in the very beginning of her relationship with Rodney, I knew she was trouble. It's too bad for my friend Rodney that I was right, since the fucker fell in love with her. She shaved her head, and to quote David, "She looks like G.I. Jane."
• People who can't drive: If the speed limit is 35, go 35 or above! This is a simple concept! And for fuck's sake, you don't have to stop to turn! And don't pull out onto a street if you're going to be getting in front of a car that's going faster than you are and you're not going to be able to speed up very quickly! And if your turn signals work, use them god damnit!
• Hippies: Pot-smoking, frisbee-playing, tree-hugging, animal-loving, shit-smelling, hairy, lazy fucks. Guttermouth pretty much sums it all up right here.
• Hicks and Johnson County Fucks: I'm mainly talking about the ones that hang around downtown Lawrence on Friday and Saturday nights. They think it's cool to sit in the back of their rebel flag-bearing, gun rack-having, ozone killing trucks and hoot and hollar to all the passing cars. All the while blasting either country music, or even worse, some sort of r&b/rap/shit. What's funniest is when they're playing 311, or Smash Mouth. And the people they're hooting and hollaring at are almost as bad as they are. These consist of the hicks that want to show off their tire squealing skills, and Johnson County rich kids out on the town in the car daddy bought for them. Nine times out of ten, they're either a little white boy blasting rap, or a bunch of girls with too much make-up on blasting rap. Johnson County Fucks love their rap music. It makes them feel like rebels. What a bunch of jack-asses.
• Bible Thumpers: They love god, fine. They want to devote their lives to him, give the people who claim to talk directly to god money, fine. But unless I ask, I don't want to hear all about it. And they can believe whatever they want, that's fine. They just shouldn't try to make others believe the same way, nor should they look down upon someone for not believing the same way. And dammit, don't tell me what to think or do or say. If I want to shout "God damnit! Motherfucker!" and then go have impure thoughts about a woman, I have every right to do that and not feel bad about it. I think I'll stop here, so that I don't ramble any more than I have.

• Cops: Now, I know there are some good cops out there. And I know that when there's an emergency or someone's trying to kill me, I'm glad the cops are there. However, there are cops out there that have nothing better to do with their time than harrass me and my friends. I was coming home one night at about 4:30am. No cars on the street except me and a cop. He's in front of me, then he pulls into a parking lot, turns around and starts to follow me. I get home, park, and the fucker pulls up behind my car and turns on his lights. Then he starts giving me shit about my license plate light. I'm wondering how he could have seen that my license plate light was out while he was in front of me. Fucker. Then there's Rodney's numerous bouts with cops - the most ridiculous being the time he was stopped and ticketed for wearing headphones. Fuckers.
• People: "A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals..." People suck. Plain and simple. Especially customers. If you don't see it, we probably don't have it. If you want something, ask for it by name - don't just point and say "I'll have one of those" because chances are I can't see to what you are pointing. And then there are the people who use the drive-up atm to make deposits. Get out of your car and go to the walk up one - the drive-up is there so you can get your money quickly and go. I don't want to be sittin' behind your sorry ass while you're making a deposit. And for fuck's sake, don't argue with or yell at the salesperson. Chances are, they're just doing what they're supposed to do and it was someone else's fuck up that charged you two cents more than they were supposed to. I don't want to have to be standing in line behind you, just wanting to purchase my one or two things and go, and have to listen to you bitch at the sales person that your banana's are only supposed to be $1.09, and not $1.11. Okay, I think I'll step down off this particular soap box now.
• Frat boys and the like: I don't know about you, but my idea of a good time isn't going to a party, getting drunk, and making an ass out of myself. Nor is fucking a sheep to get into a frat at which I will get drunk and make an ass out of myself. And my idea of foreplay is not a six pack of beer. But what really pisses me of is when the fratties go to a show, the Luscious Jackson show for example, where I'm trying to watch the show and have a good time - and they're drunk off their asses trying to start a fight. Or, they're trying to hit on every girl they're near. I don't know which is worse, a frat boy or a drunk frat boy. What I do know, tho, is that trendy people piss me off. There was a guy at my high school that Rodney and I called "Mr. Trendy". The fuck often wore a mossimo shirt with a vest over it. What the fuck? Everytime he'd walk by I'd say to Rodney, "Isn't he just so trendy?". It was actually more funny than it sounds. You had to be there. That's right, Kevin - I'm talking about you. Again, I turn to music. The lyrical stylings of the Dead Milkmen - Brat in the Frat.
• Perky and Perpetually Happy People: What the fuck?! First of all, it's fun to be angry sometimes. I mean, this page is all about that. I'm bitching about the things and people I hate and it's FUN! How can one person be happy all the time? It's just not possible. But, strangely enough, it does happen. And what bugs the shit out of me, is that you rarely see these people until you're in a foul mood! Your dog got run over, your wife left you, your mother just died, your car blew up and you've got hemorrids like a bastard, and all you want to do is sulk. But no! Somehow you find a perky person! And they try to cheer you up! "Come on! The sky is blue! Be happy!" Yeah, fuck you.
• Rent-a-Cops, aka 2.5's: Worse than real cops because they have less power but bigger heads. Glorified security guards. They drive around in their mock police cars and look tough. I was sitting in the park next to my house one night, just swingin' and shootin' the shit with Rodney. These fucking 2.5's pull up and start giving us shit. "So, you live around here?" No, jackass, I was waiting for you to leave so I could go rape and kill the inhabitants of that house over there. "You got some i.d.?" Nope, I regularly leave my home with no i.d., plus I don't have any money. What the fuck?! First of all, what right does a security guard have to ask me for i.d. when all I'm doing is swinging on a fucking swing-set outside my own fucking home?! (If by some fucked up law, they do have a right - I'm still pissed) And the same guys stand outside of Tremors(one of the many "trendy" dance clubs in town) and look all tough. Man, someone should... should... just... give them a good boot to the head! All of 'em!
• The Computer Lab Etiquette-less: You know these people. They come in and sit down at their computer and proceed to put on their headphones. Then they turn their music on so loud that the person sitting in the farthest recesses of the lab can hear every word and every note. Then there are the people who take up more than one computer to do things they could easily do on one. It's called multi-tasking, learn it. Then there are the gamers. They come in in large groups and play their little games. This is especially irriating I would guess for those unfortunate souls who don't have a computer at home with which to write their papers. People who do this should be drug out into the street and beaten severely.

Back