I'm beginning to see a trend here...

My apathy grows more each day. Procrastination gets more extreme each passing minute. I have so much work to do for school, and yet I can't find the will to do it. This sucks a lot. I'm in a funk tonight.

Why's Theryn gotta go away all the time? Sometimes it feels like she's gone more than she's here. I guess all that means is that I take her for granted while she's here.

God damn it, why won't my Goldfinger cd stop skipping?!

Theryn's in Topeka this weekend. That's not that far, but it is just intensified by the fact that she won't be here for New Year's Eve. I want her to do what she thinks is best, but I think it's really fucked up that she's going to be in Wichita for the turn of the millenium instead of here with me. Fuck the people who decided it would be a great fucking idea to have a fucking wedding reception on New Fucking Years Eve. Man, fuck that! I mean, I'm not really mad at Theryn, just upset. If it were me, I don't know. I guess I'd choose the option of being with my significant other on this momentous occasion, an occasion that we will never, ever be able to see together again. We won't see another millenium change in our life times. Shit, it'll be... well, a lot of fucking generations before they see it again. I guess I'll get over it.

You know, Lemonade flavored Kool-Aid doesn't hide the taste of vodka very well. Ah, vodka. Vodka will be there for me on New Years.

Let's see. Fuck Rodney for calling me a faggot for not going to the Guns and Roses tribute last night. I wanted to go, I just don't have the time or the money to do shit like that anymore. I mean, I would have the time and money if all I did was deliver pizzas for a few hours each day. If I wasn't in school trying to better myself so that I might live a more comfortable life in the future, I too could go to shows every other day and eat out every night.

I don't mean to make Theryn feel bad. I know we've been over this NYE thing, but even though I'm at peace with it, it pisses me off. I guess that doesn't make sense, but the entire fucking situation doesn't make sense!

Tuesday night I'm going to Oldfather Studios to watch the student films with Niki. Then she and I and whoever I get to tag along with us are going to hang out. I took off of work Wednesday and it is stop day as well, so I can be up all night partying. Unless it goes like tonight did. Me and Rodney and Mia hung out all night, not doing anything, trying to figure out what to do. The highlight of the evening was when Lindsay girl showed up. I'm so glad she's okay. She was in a car accident about a week before Thanksgiving, but she walked away from it. She flipped, not rolled - flipped, her car twice. We were thankful that she was alive. I don't think I've ever really mentioned Niki in one of my entries... or on my page at all. She's a friend of Dara's, who is a friend of Ben's. I met them both at his birthday party. Then one night Ben and I were at the Java Break playing Scrabble, and Niki showed up and we all started talking. I named her cell phone (Jimmy Carter) and then we just drove around in her... her... SUV type thing. It was cool. She's cool. She wants me. But then, don't they all? Ha! Yes, it's true, I'm a chick maganet. But only since becoming attached to Theryn. I guess there's something about guys who have someone. I don't know if it's the inherit competition between one woman and another for a man, or if it is because having a girlfriend brought out my confidence, and the fact that I do have someone makes me a safe guy to be around because they know I won't try anything. I really don't know what I just wrote, so in the hopes of not sounding like too much more of an asshole, I will move on.

Granted, Mia is adorable. But this constant sighing and longing looks Rodney demonstrates around and towards her is getting on my fucking nerves. I hope one day he fucking grows out of this infatuation stage and their relationship can move on to be something more than staring at each other over the top of a milkshake at the local soda fountain.

And why is it that Rodney wants me to break up with Theryn so badly? Does he really want me to go through any ounce of what he went through when things between he and The Evil One ceased to be? He was in agony for a year and a half! And they weren't together as long as Theryn and I have been together! If I broke up with Theryn, my fucking life would end! Okay, maybe it wouldn't be that drastic, but it would fuck my shit up really good. Even if it was to go out with someone else, I'd be fucked up! I cannot imagine life without her! She's so totally ingrained into my life, I just don't know what it would be like without her.

I finally went through those two boxes of Playboys Rodney has stored in our garage. I put about twenty of them on Yahoo! Auctions, and three of them have bids so far. One for $10, and two for $2. Fourteen bucks between us, so I figure 50/50, we each get seven bucks. Sounds fair to me.

Thinking about it, I think this is rapidly becoming the longest entry in the year and some odd months history of this journal. Woo fucking whoo.

I think I'm starting to feel the vodka.

Look at that, it's 2:42am. It's hot up here, I think I'm going to turn that fan on. Ooh! MMB - Another Drinking Song! I'm definitely going to listen to that after I finish Goldfinger, which, for the time being, has stopped skipping.

You know, Squishy is a really good online journal! If you haven't read any of her stuff, do! She's a comedian in Austin, and she writes so fucking well. Plus, she's a riot! I can't believe HBO is so stupid not to recognize her comic genius. Fuck HBO, Pamie! We all love you! Well, of course we're not paying your bills, so that doesn't help you that much, but what can I say?

I'll be really surprised if this makes sense in the morning. I'll be even more surprised if this gets put up by the morning. Shit, I have so much to do tomorrow. I really should go to the library tomorrow and spend all day Sunday typing my paper. That won't happen though. More likely is that I'll go to the library Sunday and type the paper Monday night. Ten pages is a lot. Too bad it can't be free form like this. I could write on and on... as I think I'm proving.

Another Drinkin' Song. This song has made me happy so many times. When I was in Sedalia with Abbey, and near the end I knew things weren't going that well, and I was laying in my hotel bed trying to get to sleep, I listened to this song until I fell asleep. I don't know why, but it's comforting to me. I guess it's funny, since it's about alcoholism and here I am, upset and getting drunk, but yeah. This is the first time I've gotten drunk alone, and the first time I've done it to try to forget my problems. Well, actually, it's less that then wanting to be able to fall right asleep when I do eventually go to bed, which really should be soon, since I have so much to do tomorrow. I really don't want to go to bed, though, because Theryn's in Topeka and the bed will be all cold an lonely. Rodney's got Mia tonight, the way things looked, Trevor's got Lindsay tonight, and I'm here all alone writing a journal entry. Man, I feel for David. Courtney's in Russia, and so he's been sleeping alone since August. That sucks. At least, I certainly hope he's been sleeping alone. Ha!

You know, Dream a Little Dream is a really good movie. If you haven't seen it, I recommend it. It's where I first really fell in love with the song "Young at Heart" by Bing Crosby. Then I heard that song after the Garbage concert. Then I heard it during the credits of Jawbreaker. It wasn't on the soundtrack to Jawbreaker, though. I had to search all over to find a copy of Bing singing it. I finally found it, though. I know that comforts you all. I'm actually surprised at how coherent I am right now. As far as I can tell, I'm catching most of my typos and spelling errors. I hope this all makes some sort of sense.

Oh yeah, speaking of Abbey, she's supposed to be in Sedalia during the week of Christmas until after New Years, or something. Hopefully she'll be able to visit. I've cleared it with Theryn. That would be so cool. I don't know what we'd do, since this town is pretty boring and I don't have that much money, but hey, it'd still be cool.

I got on my computer yesterday and lo and behold, all of my bookmarks in Netscape were gone! They were just erased or something. That so totally sucks! Oh, yeah, I found this out after I found out Amazon.com's wishlists list the things already bought for the person and since Theryn knew I was the only one who had bought directly from Amazon, she knows two of the four things she's getting from me. Needless to say, it wasn't the happiest night.

Okay, I think I'm going to try and upload this now. Hopefully I didn't piss anyone off. Vodka is good. I love you, Theryn. Goodnight.

"Well, if you can't stand the heat in the kitchen, get out - it will increase."

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