To my "friend" Rodney - If you don't like what I say here, don't fucking come back. If you think I'm such a loser - why do you still hang out with me? And if I'm as gay as you keep telling me that I am, why is it my friend, that I am in a healthy, happy, committed relationship with a beautiful woman with whom I have a healthy sex life, and you... well, you don't? I'm doing quite all right without your concern for my social life. So, try not to worry so much about me. I think you should probably worry more about yourself, bucko.
"For every light on Broadway, there's a twitching frog." Did you ever drink Orange Crush? I did, and still do when I can find it. I was reminded of this the other day when I saw this girl wearing an Orange Crush shirt. She stood out of the crowd for two reasons: 1) she was wearing a bright orange shirt, and 2) she's large breasted and the shirt's tight on her. So, her breasts made the "Crush" stand out. It was pretty fucking cool. Then today in my Anthropology discussion, this girl was wearing a
My girlfriend makes a good point. First, Natalie Merchant does rock. Second, I too would like to have something that completely consumes me. Something that when I'm doing it, that's all there is, I get lost in it. I was thinking about it, and I guess the closest I come to that is this web page. I'm always trying to find new things to put on it, write, make, whatever. I'm constantly trying to improve it. It doesn't completely consume me, but in my life it is the thing that comes closest. And so when people look at it and tell me they like it, or that they hate it, but in some way let me know that my work is appreciated - that it doesn't go unnoticed, it fills me with a kind of joy. It makes me happy. This wasn't a ploy to get you to sign the guestbook, but if you do, I would appreciate it. I don't feel good.
For fuck's sake people! I don't hate my friend for having the fucking money - I hate that I don't have it! I'm incredibly happy that he's come into some money. I like to see my friends do well, for good things to happen to them. And I fully admitted and still admit that I'm extremely jealous. That's all I was fucking saying. I'm not going to apologize for feeling this way, because I CANNOT HELP IT. And if you still have a problem with that, go here. Thanks to Chrissy for pointing that link out. Okay, enough of that. I was on campus today, talking to one of the Delta Force people about the zero-tolerance hate crimes issue, and one of the people distributing leaflets for the YOU people came up and totally interrupted us and shoved leaflets at us. I had to catch the bus but if I had stayed around I would have let her know just exactly what I thought of her. God damn that was rude! Funny thing was, the guy who we were talking to had a billboard thing on and it had "Harassment" in a little crossed out thing like the no smoking signs, and below it read "Ask Us for information", and I thought that was pretty cool... and this chick coming up and interrupting us just kind of drove home his point. Happy anniversary to my girlfriend... for today is our 14 month anniversary. There was something else I wanted to write about, but I can't remember what it was, so nevermind.
Yes, spring is here again and with it comes the shedding of clothing. It is a wonderful sight on the campus of KU today. Bared shoulders, midriffs, legs, and countless pairs of sandals. All making for beautiful scenery - a feast for the male eye. And t his fucking computer has a spacebar that doesn't want to work. I've never understood how people can sneeze when they plug their nose. Instead of going "Ah-choo" they go "Ah" *fingers pinch nostrils* "enh". "Ah-enh". It just looks painful. My head would explode if I tried it. I'm a big sneezer, as any of my friends will tell you. And because of my allergies, I sneeze a lot. I'm just about to smash this fucking keyboard.
Argh! Nothing gets your blood flowing like finding out that one of your best friends just got $40,000. Especially when you're a poor mexican and he's not. Now, he's not going to be very happy I posted this, but oh well. And I mean, nothing against him, I'm actually happy for him. I'm just INSANELY JEALOUS! Yes, I admit it! I wish I had FORTY THOUSAND DOLLARS! You could buy a lot of Twinkies with that. Jesus. Man, I've gone speechless. Forty thousand dollars. 1 x 40,000. 2 x 20,000. 80,000 / 2 . FUCK! Okay, I'm over it. No, I'm not but I'm going to stop typing about it. Makes me think of a Dead Milkmen song... Everybody's Got Nice Stuff But Me. Yeah yeah, self pity. Fuck you. I'm human, and I get jealous. And boy, when I see people close to me come into a lot of money, I get jealous. I get happy for them, but the jealousy is there. I haven't ever really had any money. My car is a piece of shit, but I can't afford to sell it because if I did, I'd have to get my own insurance on the next car I bought, instead of staying on my dad's cheap insurance. I can't afford the insurance on a used car! I'm going to be scraping by when I move in with Theryn, Ben, and Karen. Rent and utilities will pretty much wipe out my two paychecks for the month. I think I'm going to start playing Powerball again. When I worked at the Kwik Shop I played every week. I mean, it was two bucks a week for a possiblity at millions. That's an expense I think I am willing to take. I mean, I still owe money on my computer. All right, enough of that.
So here I am at work. My girlfriend's near the Missouri-Arkansas border, one of my best friends is in
Man, I'm tired. Did you ever watch the Transformers?. I did. I had a lot of the action figures too. I hope I still have them... I think I might have sold some of them to Byron Baird back in like, seventh grade or some thing. I don't know. I'm going to clean out my closet this weekend and see if I still have them. I know I gave away my He-Men action figures to a friend of my mom's son. I didn't play with them anymore, I reasoned, so I might as well give them to him. I'm still kicking myself for doing that. Children don't have anything near as cool as we did. Sure, the technology is better, but we had more quality stuff. My Optimus Prime action figure was made out of metal. Everything is plastic nowadays. And it's all crap anyway. I mean, come on! The Mighty Morphing Power Rangers are obviously just a cheap rip-off of Voltron. I saw some cartoon the other day - it was like, the Radioactive Surfing Sharks or something. Man, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles could kick all their asses. We had M.A.S.K., He-Man, G.I. Joe, Transformers, Go-Bots (which I always considered to be a cheap rip-off of Transformers, even if Go-Bots came first), Smurfs, Brave Starr(I think that was his name - he had the sight of the eagle, ears of the wolf, strength of the bear...). And sure, some of these are now on the Cartoon Network, and some even have new episodes being made - just add on a 2000 or a Generation 2 and you have a new, greatly inferior to the old, series. But to the true fan, the original will always be the best.
Can this guy be serious? And I quote "in case some stupid asshole ever finds this place and alerts geoshitties management to it & they erase this whole place, I AM keeping back-ups of all the pictures & everything else so as to republish everything with no major losses." Now, this sounds just a bit suspicious to me. Send me pictures of you and your lover naked, and I'll make copies of them to keep "just in case". Now, maybe it's just m e, but unless you know this guy, how can you trust him with pictures like that? How can you not be skeptical? How can you not think, "What if he takes the pictures, puts them up briefly, and 'Oh no! Geocities found me out!'. There he is, with compromising pictures of you, and there's nothing you can do about it. What's to keep him from spreading them around, or sending them to magazines? "Honey, come here... is that us in this new issue of Penthouse?" Now, wouldn't that suck? Or you know, he could be legit, and then it'd be a pretty cool site. But you gotta weigh the options. I was in the Budig Computer lab today, and this guy in front of me had a chronic smoker's cough - or something similar. He sounded like a dying horse. I wanted to scream at him to stop! Stop coughing, old man! It's annoying the shit out of me! Go to the fucking doctor!!! But then, I suppose he couldn't have helped it. Unless it was because he smoked all of his life, then it's his own fault. Unless he's the type that would blame the tobacco companies. Which, statistics being what they are, he probably was. But you know, oh well. Woohoo!!!! I found my rants2 page!!! Funny, I absolutely despise IE, but I found a copy of my rants2 in the cache of IE. I still hate it, but I'm grateful. Read it.
You know, it really bums me out that I lost my second rants page. I had a lot of rants on there written during the time when I was most depressed about Theryn being away, and so a lot of them were really fucked up but a lot of fun to read. It's like a piece of my life is gone. I suppose it could be in my cache at home... or on the computer which I wrote the last rant of the series. Hmmm. God damn it. Oh well. I have to read a book tonight, and then write a paper on it. I really should learn to not procrastinate so much. I guess that's what Cliff's Notes are for, for I believe if I get them and read them I can write a decent enough rough draft to have the rough draft for tomorrow's mandatory rough draft work shop thing we have to do in my English class. Which is bunk. Whoever heard of a "mandatory rough draft workshop"? Okay, so maybe it isn't such an odd thing, but I've never had to go to one. I don't usually even write a rough draft. So, I guess this could actually be good for me. Well, be sides the stress caused by not having the book read but having to write a rough draft on it in one day. I don't think it will be a very good rough draft, but I've got tonight, tomorrow night and Thursday to read the book and write the real paper that is due on Friday. But, I also have to finish another book and write a three page paper on it for my history class by Friday. But his late policy is lenient - half a letter grade each class period it's late. So if I turn it in on Tuesday, it's only going t o be half a letter grade down. Plus, I have a paper due in my psychology class on Friday. That one is going to take a few hours to do, I think. At least that's what the prof said. I haven't actually looked at the assignment yet, but I do have an artic le for the paper. So, basically I'm fucked. God damn, it's March already. My Colorado trip was two months ago. Doesn't seem that long. But then, it also doesn't seem like I've been with Theryn for a year and almost a month. On the other hand, you have different fingers. Why have a door if it's "to remain closed and locked at all times"? It just doesn't make sense. Painted Theryn's toenails blue last night. SQUEEZE POPS! That's what they we re called!!! I have been trying to think of the name of a candy that I used to love - it was in a tube and was basically grape flavored syrup, liquid candy, but I could not remember what it was called. I just thought of it! Squeeze Pops! This is the basic idea, though the kind I like was in something akin to a toothpaste tube.
You know what? The thought of dying scares me. I don't want to die. So therefore, I've made a vow. I vow to live forever. Sure, I'll have to see anyone I ever get close to eventually die, but I think I could take that for immortality. I mean, what if there's nothing after death? Sure, you say I won't know that there's nothing because I'll be dead. But what if I will? What if my consciousness keeps going even after my body stops? What if I know I'm dead, and there's just nothing? Nothing for eternity. Scary. That's why I like the idea of reincarnation. Sure, you might come back as a bug, but you get to come back. Or, what if there is a heaven and hell, and even though you've lived a pretty good life, you still have to go to hell. Like, what if heaven's full and there's no more space for you? Or, what if there's a mix up in the records and it says that you killed a bunch of people and then ate them, but it says that Jeffery Dahmer lived a somewhat good life and he got into heaven and when you die you're going to have to take his place in hell? Or what if you're buried alive? Imagine that! You wake up and it's all dark and cold. You try to move but your movement is very limited. Then you realize that it's becoming really hard to breathe. You slowly realize what's going on and you start banging and clawing at the top of the casket. And assuming you have enough air to do this, and you can get through the casket top, you've still got six feet of earth between you and the air you're so desperate to breathe. I think that along with my immortality, I will also have a side of being able to make others immortal as well. Because I don't really think I could handle seeing all my friends die. And what's it going to be like when I'm older, assuming that I live that long, and I start seeing my favorite bands and singers die of like, old age. Natalie Merchant, John Feldmann, Mark Adkins, Shirley Manson... When the headlines tell of their deaths, I'm going to be telling my kids that they were once great singers, once in great bands, and that just sucks. Like, Bradley from Sublime. He's already dead. He died pretty much before I even started liking his music. And Kurt. Man oh man, Kurt. I should have seen Nirvana headline Lollapalooza '94, but he had made his first suicide attempt a while before my show, and so instead we had to see Smashing Pumpkins. I so wish I could have seen Nirvana in concert. And Sublime. And then there's my family... but their death is too depressing to even think a bout, so I won't. Anyway, let's try to jaunt on to happier subjects, shall we? I finally beat Ben at Scrabble on Monday night. It was the first time ever. Rodney thinks us losers because we enjoy playing Scrabble. I think he's just jealous that he doesn't have the ability to play it well. Heh. Yeah, that's it. I like Girl Scout Cookies. Especially Thin Mints and Peanut Butter
Oi oi oi. My Hate Keeps Me Warm.
Hell. Hell would be a place where there was no internet connection. No internet connection and no bathrooms. And you'd have to poop really bad. But you couldn't, because it's hell and in hell you would only be physically able to poop into a toilet. S o you'd just sit there being all hot and having to poop really bad. Not only would you have to poop, but you'd have to pee. And then you'd start to feel like you were going to vomit. As soon as that happened, Satan would bring you a nice big plate of entrails. And he'd tell you you had to eat them. And there'd be a guy behind you poking your back with a needle. And the entire place would smell like a skunk was defecating into a cesspool. And the only movie you'd get to watch would be Thin Red Line. And Heidi. And you'd be forced to watch these movies over and over again, eating your entrails and having to poop. Then you'd be forced to watch Full House and continue to eat your entrails and have to poop while rats nibbled at your feet. And you'd have to look at an old ugly guy naked. You'd have to look at him, eat entrails, have to poop and you'd be all hot and sweaty and uncomfortable to the extreme in your corset and high heeled shoes. And there'd be obnoxious little children running around s creaming and doing obnoxious little children things. And you'd have to run around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to get food out to annoying people who can't eat the chicken that's in the pan because they're picky and they want a different piece. And you're not allowed to tell them to fuck off, because this is hell, and you have no privileges. But that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.
Well, Theryn and my one year anniversary has come and gone. It was Sunday, and that, of course, was also Valentine's Day. So I had to do extra special stuff for her. And this was the first V-Day that I ever "got some". Here comes a generalization: Why is it that every girl that has a webpage puts her poetry on it? *End of generalization* There is so much poetry online, it's kind of sickening. But then, someone could ask the same question about my rants. I guess what it boils down to is that people put on their web pages what they like, whether other people like it or not. I know this page is only read by a few of my friends, who enjoy reading it - or so they say. Anyone else who happens to stumble upon it probably wonders just what the fuck I w as thinking when I started it. Oh well. I've added to my shit list - you might want to check it out. You know, if a guy tells you that the thought of two girls engaged in definitely sexual activity tog ether, aka lesbian sex, doesn't turn him on, he's LYING. There isn't a guy out there, no matter how much he denies it, that wouldn't want to see or participate in sex with two women. I don't pretend to know why this is, and many a girl has asked me. I don't know, and I don't really care. All I do know is that I like it. I've tried to convince my girlfriend to invite one of her friends into the bedroom with us, but she just won't have it. Oh well. I'll keep trying and she'll keep turning me down. So, I'll just have to keep on dreaming... but you know, some of her friends are damn fine. Oh, and I fixed the problem of Rodney taking pictures from my page.:)
Back to back Super Bowl victories. XXXII and XXXIII. How about that? Go Broncos! Woohoo!
So, here I sit, in what used to be Theryn and Isabelle's room, but is now just Isabelle's room. And I'm typing this on Theryn's computer, which in a few days I will have to take upstairs to her new room. And I'm listening to Natalie Merchant through good headphones, which is the best way to listen to her. Because in this way, and really only in this way, can you hear all the intricacies that are in all of her songs. I'm hearing things on the Ophelia album that I've never heard before. So I'm sitting, listening, typing and waiting for all the backgrounds on www.zeldman.com to load so I can choose a new background for this page, my third rants page. And I think I've found it. I hope. I'm going to try it and see if this text shows up on it. Enh. It shows up well enough, but I don't know if I like it. So, if you come to this page and read this rant and don't see an Elizabeth Taylor looking background, I didn't like it and so I changed it. Gotta go have dinner with my family in fifty minutes. I suppose I should consider getting ready. Wouldn't want to be late. Theryn's roommates are all gone until the 9th, so I've been staying with her. Two days ago my family laid a big guilt trip on me. "Did you remember that you had a family?" What kind of s hit question is that? No, I forgot I had a family, that's why I called you. Oh well. Yeah, I suppose I should end this soon and go get ready. Rodney got drunk on New Year's Eve and he was all moody and shit. Then, he snuck out of his window, so Ben and I took the video tape that Jacque had bought for him, and then broken for him, and we decorated his room with it - you know, like streamers. He wasn't too happy about that, so he went and egged my car. I should probably clean that off sometime. And, as I told Ben, this means war. I'll get him back, somehow. He called yesterday and wanted to know if I wanted to go to a show in K.C. I was like, "Um, no.". To which he replied "Big fucking surprise.", so I hung up on him. Snow and ice on the ground, K-10 is never cleared off, and he drives a Festiva. Yeah, I wanted to die. What a way to start off the new year - getting in a fight with my best friend. I feel like I'm in junior high.
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